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A Cat’s guide to Love and Romance, by Alfie the Doorstep Cat

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Love makes the world go round. This is true for cats and humans alike. With Valentine’s day upon us yet again, I thought I would help you all by sharing with you my romance and love tips. I have had some experience in this, having wooed and won over the most beautiful cat in the world, so therefore I can vouch for my advice. Quite simply, it works.alfie-the-doorstep-cat
  1. Make your intentions clear. It is important to make the object of your heart aware that you like them. I suggest flirting, subtly but with meaning; no one likes an obvious cat. Oh and if anyone thinks that cats can’t flirt, that’s rubbish, preen your head, blink your eyes, let your tail swish in a sexy way… There are so many ways cats can flirt, but use your assets to your advantage in winning over the one you like.
  2. Ensure you look your best at all times. Especially when you may bump into the object of your affection. Make sure you are clean and well-groomed at all times. Any self-respecting cat does this anyway – humans, well sometimes they don’t always look their best, but this is important. You need to take pride in your appearance, as you should take pride in everything about yourself. I am not saying relationships are based on looks, but the fact that you make an effort with your appearance translates into you making an effort in other walks of life.
  3. Persistence. Sometimes it takes a while to prove your love, or for the recipient of said love to reciprocate. I believe persistence pays off, it did in my case. But beware there is a line between persistence and needing a restraining order. They don’t usually issue them for cats but that could change, so stalk like a cat, not like a psychopath.
  4. Be creative. Romance is creative. Love is creative. It’s about hearts, poetry, soul. Think like a romantic and then act like a romantic. It’s so important that you use all your creativity to win the heart of your loved one, because if you do then you’ll have that heart for keeps. I feel that I have the soul of a poet so it is easy for me, but for those who feel less like a romantic, you can study classic love stories and learn from them. Romeo And Juliet is a good one but I must warn you, it doesn’t end well.
  5. Don’t be arrogant. Some cats think they can pester the cat they like until they give in – and I have heard that humans can do the same. No, in order to truly capture a heart, you have to win them over, be self-depreciating, not arrogant, and woo them. You would rather someone dated you because they liked you rather than were scared of you, after all. Or at least I hope you would.
  6. Think about a grand gesture. I once took my true love some flowers – which isn’t easy for a cat – and I climbed a tree with them, so they would know how much they meant to me. It all went horribly wrong, I got stuck up the tree, dropped the flowers and had to be rescued. But my cat love realised how much I loved them, for me to put myself through that. I would always recommend a grand gesture. Just try not to involve too much danger to yourself or others.
  7. Once you have won their hearts, don’t just give up. Too many cats – and humans – rest on their laurels, thinking that once they have their relationship, job done. But love is like a flower, it needs feeding in order to grow. You must feed your love – pilchards always work for me. So always keep the romance alive.
Follow these simple rules and you are sure to have romance this Valentine’s Day either with a new love or an established one.
And a very Happy Valentine’s Day to you all!
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Author of Alfie The Door Step Cat